Episode 6: The Right Way To Say No
Apr 16, 2021
When you live with purpose, you have to say no to things. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to let people down. Learn to say no the right way so you can have control over your time and keep your relationships too.
Whether you realize it or not, when you say “yes” to anything, you are saying “no” to everything else in that situation. In this episode of The Friday Habit, Ben and Mark discuss the wrong ways that people typically say “no” and the one right way that will be in everyone’s best interest. You could think of this like a financial budget, as described by several business leaders including Michael Hyatt, where overspending in one area will make you go into debt somewhere else.
In his book, “The Power of a Positive No”, William Ury spells out the 4 ways that people say “no”, three of them wrong and one of them right:
1. Accommodation – This is refusing to say “no” even though you should. Essentially accommodation means saying “yes” to something that is not good for you or you do not have the capacity for.
2. Attack – Sometimes people overreact and so strongly say “no” that the other person feels attacked and damage is done to the relationship. This is unnecessary and definitely the wrong way to say “no.”
3. Avoidance – Non-answers are common: “I’ll get back to you”, “Not right now”, “I’ll let you know when I have time”, etc. But this lack of upfront honesty will just lead to frustration for both parties involved in the end due to wasted time and energy.
4. Affirmation – Ben calls this a “criticism sandwich” where you give them good news, then bad news, then good news again, cushioning the blow and providing them with twice as much good news as bad. This could look like affirming them, rejecting your participation in the project, and then providing a referral or suggestion for how they could move forward in another way.
It is critical to the functioning of your business that you learn to set boundaries and say “no” to the things that are outside of your primary focus or would distract you from your main line of work. This week’s action item is to try the affirmation technique the next time you have to say “no”.
Links:
“Free to Focus” by Michael Hyatt: https://freetofocus.com/
“The Power of a Positive No” by William Ury: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Positive-No-Relationship-Still/dp/0553384260
